You know, I’m supposed to notice Stephanie March’s big yellow bandana. Because, you know, it’s yellow. But you know what I notice, well, besides the tank top? Her watch. That’s a big gay watch. Now, of course, I know Stephanie isn’t gay. She’s got Bobby freaking Flay cooking for her at home. But, she does play gay convincingly (as the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian on “30 Rock”). And, of course, gives good subtext with one Det. Olivia Benson. So, wait, where was I going with this? Oh right, those who play gay for our pleasure. Sometimes, they also wear pretty gay things for our pleasure, too. Like watches. And, of course, my personal favorite – tank tops.Elizabeth Mitchell
Elizabeth has earned the honorary hot plate for playing gay not once, not twice but three times. If she does a fourth, I say we have it bronzed.
Penelope Cruz
Penelope has only done it twice for us – but it was Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson, respectively. So, you know, good job.
Charlize Theron
Fine, so also played a lesbian serial killer. But, you know, nobody’s perfect.
Shay Mitchell
Poor dear, “A” made Emily a juicer. Though on the plus side, think of the muscle definition.
Patricia Clarkson
Sometimes I still expect her to talk with a German slur, like Greta from “High Art.”
Zoe Saldana
She got to make out with Mila Kunis before it was Oscar-worthy to make out with Mila Kunis.
Piper Perabo
Also a twofer, but let’s be honest, we’ll love her forever just for kissing Lena.
Jenny Shimizu
She doesn’t have to play. She just is. My, is she ever.
Elizabeth has earned the honorary hot plate for playing gay not once, not twice but three times. If she does a fourth, I say we have it bronzed.Penelope Cruz
Penelope has only done it twice for us – but it was Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson, respectively. So, you know, good job.Charlize Theron
Fine, so also played a lesbian serial killer. But, you know, nobody’s perfect.Shay Mitchell
Poor dear, “A” made Emily a juicer. Though on the plus side, think of the muscle definition.Patricia Clarkson
Sometimes I still expect her to talk with a German slur, like Greta from “High Art.”Zoe Saldana
She got to make out with Mila Kunis before it was Oscar-worthy to make out with Mila Kunis.Piper Perabo
Also a twofer, but let’s be honest, we’ll love her forever just for kissing Lena.Jenny Shimizu
She doesn’t have to play. She just is. My, is she ever.Thanks for gaying it forward, ladies. And, yes, the tank tops.
EDIT: Looks like Piper and Penelope get their honorary hot plates as well for making the third time the charm. We anxiously await their fourth.
