TV, take me away

Right, so I’m watching a lot of TV this season. Fine, I watch a lot of TV every season. But this season I’m watching it with slightly more productive intentions. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m going to be writing SnapCaps (short, snappy recaps) on AfterEllen for “Lost Girl.” The second one went up yesterday. In addition, I’ll be SnapCapping “Ringer” (second one is up today) and “Prime Suspect” (it airs Thursdays, Snap Caps will post Fridays). That’s a lot of writing about TV. It’s tricky writing about new shows because, well, they’re new and as we’re trying to figure them out they’re trying to figure themselves out. So, to summarize, I’m a busy girl sitting on my couch, per usual.

Of course, this being the new TV season, I’m also trying out a lot of show I’m not writing about either. So far I’ve sampled three other new shows: “The Secret Circle” (“The Craft,” but with less goth accessories), “2 Broke Girls” (I laughed more than I expected to, in spite of myself) and “New Girl” (Let’s face it, Zooey Deschanel is the draw here, I could give a flip about her three male roommates). I am on the fence about “Up All Night,” because while I love the cast another show about parenting being crazy really is not on this gal’s big gay agenda. And the reviews of “Charlie’s Angels” are worse than the reviews of “Bionic Woman,” and we all know how well that show went. I’ve also decided against “The Playboy Club” (even with the real and the pretend gay bunnies) and “Pan Am” because even if you put it in a nice 60s suit and beautiful retro dress, sexism isn’t really my favorite thing to watch on TV. (p.s. On that note, I’m glad to hear the makers of “Prime Suspect” have decided to veers away from the blatant sexism in the pilot after this week.) There are a handful of other shows I’m considering adding to my dance card, but considering the returning shows I already watch, that’s a really freaking full dance card.

I guess all of this is a long and somewhat winded (though mostly because I’m out of shape from sitting on my couch and watching all this TV) way of saying I hope you’ll watch TV along with me this season and share your thoughts on all the shows I’ll both be SnapCapping and any other shows that catch your eye. But just because it’s a new season don’t think for a second I’ve forgotten about old friends. Yes, kittens, I miss Jane and Maura, too. But don’t worry. They’ll be back for five more in November. Until then, please enjoy Det. Rizzoli’s new (and very NSFW) ringtone for Dr. Isles.

EDIT: Every once in a while, actual comments get caught in the automatic Blogger spam filter. This usually happens with comments that contain dirty words or are really long. I hardly check the filter, because frankly I forget it is there. But, rest assured, I do not delete any comments (save for obvious spam or blatant hate speech). Also, this post is about scripted shows. Though I did watch DWTS and commented on it quite a bit on my Twitter feed. So follow me there for my thoughts on DWTS.

Dancing Solo

Confirmed: Hope Solo will be on the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.” Also confirmed: Many, many more lesbians are going to watch the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.”



So the world’s most kick-ass goalie is going to be on the show with the shiny sequins and the crazy choreography. On the one hand, wow, guess this means I’m going to have to start watching “Dancing with the Stars.” On the other hand, dammit, guess this means I’m going to have to start watching “Dancing with the Stars.”



I do not watch, though I have caught a few performances over the years. What I’ve gleaned from those few minutes is that, um, isn’t Hope a little upscale for this show? Let’s be brutally honest, it’s usually people trying to revive their careers or people without real careers in the first place. I mean, Rob Kardashian and George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend are both on the show this season. Don’t get me wrong, I like Chaz Bono and Ricki Lake and Carson Kressley and mean them no disrespect as fellow castmates. But then there’s the little problem of Nancy Grace also being a contestant. I’m not sure I can in good conscience watch any show that features that woman. She makes me want to kill someone and get away with it, just to watch her head explode. (Just kidding, I do not want to kill anyone. But I do want kind of want to watch Nancy’s head explode.)



Then there’s the injury factor. Aren’t contestants getting hurt left and right every season on this show? Hope, girl, the 2012 London Olympics are less than a year away. We do not want to have our star goalie sidelined by a tragic cha-cha accident.



Man, I am being so gay about this news. I’ve processed like 100 emotions in four paragraphs. But in the end, I think I’m mostly happy Hope will get the exposure and hopefully it’ll shine more much-deserved light onto our amazing U.S. Women’s National Team. As Hope herself tweeted, it’s to raise awareness of women’s soccer. And that’s a good thing. Also a good thing, this means I have a perfectly valid excuse to post more pictures of Hope Solo.



My, what big hands you have.

Admittedly, these legs are going to look killer in heels.

Normally I hate midriff-baring dresses. This is not normally.

If I was one of Hope’s DWTS competitors, I would seriously consider forfeiting after seeing this picture.

Arm…

…porn…

…forever.

I take everything I said back. This is the best news ever. Also, DWTS costumers, please note that Hope should only ever appear in sleeveless gowns. That’s an order. It would be a sin to cover even a single centimeter of these guns. A sin against hotness.

Secret Stylist Agent

Agent Myka Bering. Smart. Bad-ass. Hairstyle challenged. Our very special Secret Service Agent has gone through a bit of a hairstyle evolution since she first drove up to “Warehouse 13.” Remember how light her hair was when the show started? Then through the years it has darkened. But, of course, the biggest evolutionary jump came between the second and third season when The Straightening happened. No, I don’t mean all those meaningful sideways glances between Myka and HG ended (hell, they’re even stronger). I mean her hair. Hello, straight iron. All that lovely kink is gone, leaving sleek black tresses. Which, naturally, leads us to one of the great questions of our time. Agent Myka Bering: Curly or Straight?



On the one hand, I hate the straight intensely. Her curly hair looked natural, free. Her straight hair looks forced, controlled.But on the other hand, I love it. I’m a bit more of a straight hair gal than a curly hair gal – as my hair is straight as well.And then I think both are fantastic. In fact, she should alternate through the week. Wild and curly one day. Smooth and straight the next. Hello, best of both worlds.Though, I will say that Myka can’t pull off all hairstyles with similar grace. Oh, darling, no.

In the end, I think the best thing we can say about Myka’s hairvolution is that it’s clear what the endgame is.

Lesbian Twin Syndrome claims another happy couple.



p.s. Please, tv gods, keep bringing HG back this season. A gal can’t go too long without a good grappling hook.

Dancing fool

Over the weekend, I had a bit of a technological freak out when I accidentally unplugged my iPhone in the middle of a software update. Pro Tip: Bad idea, really bad idea. That forced an entire system restore, which forced me to fret for three hours while everything reninstalled, which forced me to worry about how long it had been since my last backup, which forced me to think about what I could have lost on my phone. I was pretty sure I’d updated since returning from my vacation. But I wasn’t sure if I’d synched since Pride. Now, I’m sure at this point you’re thinking, “Snarker, where the fuck are you going with this?” And that’s a very good question.

Because where I’m going with this is that I also realized if I hadn’t synched since Pride, that might not be the worst thing in the world because then some somewhat incriminating dancing photos/videos might not be on my phone anymore. Because as enthusiastic as I can be about dancing given the right mix of atmosphere and adult beverages, I’m not entirely sure it’s something I should save for posterity. Yet, after my restore finished, I was oddly relieved to see that I had lost only two apps, and all of my photos and videos – even the embarrassing dancing ones – were back. Sometimes, dorky dancing can be more delightful than the most graceful, most beautiful choreography. Not cooler or sexier, mind you. But often more spontaneous and ecstatic. So in honor of my recovered cache, here is an ode to the joy of dorky dancing.

Buffy & Company

When the Scooby Gang dances, the world smiles. And often is saved.

Tina Fey

Liz Lemon, the best dorky dancer since Elaine Benes.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Of course, no one can top the original.

Amy Poehler

That’s 1,000 extra bonus cuteness points for you, Amy Poehler.

Paget Brewster

That settles it, I would like dancing Paget to be my spirit animal.

p.s. And, no, you cannot see my own dorky dancing videos. I said I was happy they were back, not that I wanted to share. I’m not crazy.

That final frontier

This is the story of how I accidentally became a sci-fi fan. I say accidentally because – truth be told – I never really liked sci-fi that much growing up. Sure, I loved “Star Wars.” But “Star Wars” isn’t so much science fiction as it is fairy tale complete with princesses, rouges, black-clad villains and teddy bears (the Ewoks were teddy bears, right?). I never got into “Star Trek” (please note, I am not denigrating “Star Trek.” Live long and prosper, Trekkers). Basically, I stayed away from almost every show with “Star” in the title. For some reason, I felt a little snobby about it. I like serious dramas. I don’t like silly science fiction.

And then it happened. Slowly, but surely, I started liking silly science fiction. First “The X-Files.” But I rationalized that away as more of an ongoing mystery than a sci-fi geekfest. And then “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” which while not actually sci-fi, does lump together with the larger world of fantasy. But the thing about Buffy was it wasn’t so much about the vampires as it was about the real monsters we face every day trying to make it to adulthood.

But then I just kept adding more sci-fi shows. “Fringe.” “Dr. Who.” “Dollhouse.” “Firefly.” “Torchwood.” “Lost Girl.” “Warehouse 13.”

What is it about these shows? Why do they interest me so? Well, in part, the fantasy. Time travel. Space travel. Immortal tendencies. Bisexual succubus tendencies. And, well, Myka and Helena’s gigantic lesbian tendencies. But, to be honest, it’s not so much the escape I crave. Because while good sci-fi can provide that with its laser blasters and mind erasers and blue police boxes, I think when done well what it really gives us is a chance to look with clear eyes at our own humanity. Something about adding little green men (or their metaphysical equivalent) allows us to step back from the ordinary, up-close messiness of life and just see our human race for what it is. Beautiful. Flawed. Crazy as all fuck.

And, just as important, I think science fiction is a genre that finally allows women to be on equal footing with men. Not all science fiction, mind you. But a lot, especially more recently. Women are allowed to be in charge. They’re allowed to be strong. They’re allowed to be important – essential even. Basically, they’re allowed to save the world. They’re very rarely just the girlfriend or just the best friend. They’re more often a secret agent or badass or both. And that, that is pretty damn awesome.

Gina Torres, a high priestess of science fiction badassery, famously praised the genre for giving actresses like her who don’t fit a mold a happy home:

“When you fall within the cracks, you thank God for sci-fi, because they’ll give you a gun, and they’ll say, ‘Go over there and conquer that world. You kick some ass, girl!’”

Go kick some ass, indeed. Bring it, sci-fi. I’m all yours.

Independence Day

I can’t think of a better way to honor Independence Day than with a little Ani DiFranco and girls kissing. In fact, I feel like it’s our constitutional duty to celebrate the Fourth of July in this fashion. What did our Founding Fathers fight for anyway if not right for us to have a three-day weekend and use those three days to make videos of hot women kissing. At least, I think that’s what I remember learning in my high school history class. Maybe my textbook was different from yours. Anyway, I clearly used my time wisely this weekend and spent it making this. Please be gentle, it is my first (and possibly last) music video compilation. (Also watch it in HD, it’s prettier that way.) No one else had Ani’s “Independence Day” set to anything. So, you know, I kind of had to. Happy birthday, America. And, you know, happy Monday everyone else.

Doctor-patient privilege

Here’s a little secret. There are a handful of shows I watch regularly yet write about very irregularly because, well, I need to. Writing about entertainment for fun and occasionally (a tiny amount) of profit means the things most people use to relax becomes the things you take notes during instead of relaxing. This is not a complaint. I choose to do this and feel damn lucky anyone cares about the things I yell at my television. But, still, I choose not to write about every show because sometimes a lady just wants to sack out quietly in front of her TV and just consume the flickering images without having to think about them afterward. For me, these are shows like “Doctor Who” and “Justified” and “Modern Family” and “Being Human.” I watch all these shows and I love them, but you won’t find them in tags.

And one of those shows, which I’ve quietly watched and loved, is “Lost Girl.” I know right now many of you are smacking your foreheads and saying FINALLY! And I know many (many, many) of you emailed and tweeted me about this show last year to alert me to its amazingness. Fear not, it did not fall on deaf ears. I’ve mentioned my total enjoyment of the Lauren & Bo bits before. But news yesterday of the SyFy channel picking up two seasons of the Canadian series to air in the US has convinced me to finally talk about the supernatural sexiness that is this show. A bisexual succubus who feeds on sexual energy and gets involved with a human doctor who is, essentially, enslaved by the Light Fae (supernatural forces, there are Light and Dark, just go with it). Now that is interesting stuff.

But back to Bo and Lauren. I, basically, love them together. The pathos, oh, the gorgeous gorgeous pathos. First there’s Anna Silk, who is like sex on a sharp, pointy stick. She’s like Mary Louise Parker had a younger sister who had a thing for leather. And then there’s Zoie Palmer, who is our soulful Dr. Hotpants. If we all had primary care physicians like her, we’d never ever eat apples. (Because, um, they keep the doctor away…get it?) Together they’re this delicious combination of reserve and hunger, often from the person you least expect. Their slow burn in the first season was grown-up and complicated. And, heavens, was it hot. So, so hot. (Some spoilery bits in this video, but come on, you know you are curious.)

Seriously, thank you, Canada. I will never make an “aboot” joke again if you keep bringing the Bo and Lauren sizzle.

Tank Top Kalinda

Hello, hello. I was going to wrassle up some lovely ladies in tank tops for my extremely, extremely late posting today (I just can’t party all weekend like I used to, kittens). But instead I stumbled upon one Kalinda Sharma in a tank top and had to write about it instead. TVline.com has an exclusive clip of Kalinda and someone I will call and old friend together in the finale tonight. The clip won’t embed, but be aware that it is VERY SPOILERY. In fact, everthing that follows from here on out in this post is VERY SPOILERY. So, you’ve been warned.

[CLICK TO WATCH THE CLIP AND THEN COME BACK QUICKLY TO CHAT]

Right, so, first things first. That was hot. Also a) Kalinda needs to wear less high-necked tops and show those girls off more because daaaayum and b) I would watch an entire hour of nothing but Archie Panjabi kissing women’s backs – I really would.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a regular “The Good Wife” watcher, which I know I should probably be because it’s a quality grown-up show. So here are a few of my more-than-likely ill-informed thoughts on the matter.

First, while I will take my primetimes hook-ups between female characters on American television almost any way I can get them, I’m always a little disappointed when they’re part of some sort of downward trajectory/shame spiral/reckless period for a character. The perfect example of this is when Thirteen on “House” had her hooking up with hotties phase (when she was also clubbing and drugging, for an episode). Was it hot? Yes. Was there a built-in even if not explicitly intended message that sleeping around with women is reckless. Yes. And given Kalinda’s current fallout with Alicia, I would say she at very least isn’t in the best place emotionally. But, again, I could be off base on this.

Second, I am glad to see however that the realization that she is having yet another affair and potentially hurting another relationship is sinking in. So that seems like growth. And it also suggests that had the lady with the bed head been single, none of this would be a problem and many, many more back kisses would be happening.

“The Good Wife” is a rich and textured show, and I appreciate the slow burn they’ve done while revealing Kalinda’s sexuality. And I also appreciate that as a bisexual character the liking ladies part of her personality isn’t just told in stories about her past or random dangerous hook-ups, as they have mostly with Thirteen.

Man, I wish Jill Flint wasn’t on “Royal Pains” so they could bring Lana back. Now that was some smoking, available, shame-free hotness right there. And, I am not kidding, I could watch Archie kiss women’s backs forever.

The Canceled Code

Dear Fox,

You canceled “The Chicago Code.” That means you’ve cancelled Jennifer Beals. That means she will no longer be on our TVs. That means the universe will miss this.

LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES, FOX!

How could you do this to Jennifer? How could you do this to us?

She wore ties.

She wore tank tops.

She showed us her cop arms.

She showed us her shiny, shiny hair.

What more could this woman possibly do for you? What more could she do for us? Sigh.

I believe to deprive the world of Jennifer Beals is a mortal sin. A sin, Fox, a sin.

Sincerely miffed,
Ms. Snarker

p.s. Still not convinced you have made a terrible life choice, Fox? Click that collage to enlarge all the Beals you will make us miss.

Lights, camera, fanvids

One of the most amazing things about this crazy series of tubes we call The Internets is the creativity it can foster. And one of the easiest places to see this creativity in action is still our old friend YouTube. It’s also one of the easiest places to lose four hours of your life getting sucked into a fanvid black hole. But, oh. what a wondrous black hold that is. What has impressed me more and more recently is the quality of the fanvids. Seriously, you guys are getting damn good. Certainly, there’s a lot of just OK and possibly not so great to slog through too when searching for the really great stuff. But the great stuff is freaking great. Sophisticated color filters and cross cuts and dialogue overlays. Take it from a person who just now figured out how to make simple video clips, never mind any of the advanced-level fancy stuff. That takes skills. It’s like watching a whole future generation of cinematographers and film editors and director grow up before your eyes. And, most impressive of all, these hours and hours (if not days and days) of work is done not for the money or the glory – because heavens knows neither is readily attainable on the internet – but for the sheer love of the characters. Fanvids (and its close cousins fanart and fanfic) are fan love in its purest form. Fine, they’re also mildly obsessive. But, Jesus, isn’t all love?

A few recent favorites from a few of my favorite ships.

Brittana/Faberry, “Glee”

See, Brittana and Faberry fans can get along. In fact, we can help each other.

Rizzles, “Rizzoli & Isles”

Rizzoli & Isles as Cagney & Lacey. Just try not to smile.

Emily/Paige, “Pretty Little Liars”

Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t the only member of her household who mixes well with lesbian drama.

Naomily, “Skins”

Another slice of loveliness by the prodigiously talented Rin of Rophy Does.

Willow/Tara, “Buffy”

You never forget your first real ship.

Calzona, “Grey’s Anatomy”

Don’t even pretend there’s something in your eye except big, fat tears.

So, hit me with your fanvid favorites. Let’s see those budding lesbian Spielbergs so someday we can say, I remember when she was just making Brittana fanvids to post on YouTube.

Everybody dance now

I like to dance, but only under certain circumstances. Most of those circumstances involve adult beverages. Many, many adult beverages. I’m not particularly good, but I hope my enthusiasm makes up for my utter lack of coordination or grace. But what I do like is to watch other people dance. It’s all of the sexy and none of the sweaty. Not that sweaty is necessarily bad. Hot. Sweaty. Sticky. Wait, where was I going with this? Right, dancing. As much as I love super sexy dancing (and, I do – see previous sweatiness tangent) I really love dorky dancing. You know, the spontaneous, out-of-context, exuberant kind that isn’t about being in da club (God, I hate the phrase “in da club”) or on a chorus line. It’s just about your body releasing. It’s about joy. Dancing, when done right, is an expression of joy. Our days can sometimes seem an endless series of mundane tasks and rote responsibilities. But, once in a while, we break free and let our limbs follow their own song.

Dorky dancers of the world, I salute you. Now, let’s get down with our bad selves.

Cast, Grey’s Anatomy

This makes me wish I watched this show more. And was friends with Cristina Yang.

Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

Angela’s “Blister in the Sun” dance is exactly how it feels to finally be over a breakup. Exactly.

Dana Fairbanks, The L Word

Dana Fairbanks will forever and always be the queen of dorky dancers. All hail the queen.

Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

But, you’ve got to admit, Liz Lemon is at the very least a princess of dorky dancing.

Angie Harmon, Rizzoli & Isles

There is no better job in Hollywood than behind-the-scenes backup dancer to Angie Harmon. None.

Kat Graham & Candice Accola, The Vampire Diaries

Truth be told, this sort of workout is my total nightmare. I’m the person always jumping left when everyone else is jumping right. But I’m not above observing a class. Ahem.

Callie Torres, Grey’s Anatomy

This isn’t dorky. Just hot. Smoking hot.

So, any favorite dorky dancing TV moments to share? Don’t be shy. Nobody’s watching.

Practice makes perfect

Right, so last night while watching “Game of Thrones” (getting a little better with the female characters, a little), one scene in particular peaked my interest. It is when Daenerys ask her handmaiden to school her in the ways of pleasing a man. Normally, the last three words of that request would mean I couldn’t give a flip. But, oh, how different things are in execution. So Dany (for short, because Daenerys is too damn had to spell) and her handmaiden Doreah have a very instructional session together. I am not ashamed, I rewound it more than once. What can I say? Beautiful women straddling each other will never not work for me. Oh, please, like you can resist. (A tad NSFW, though mostly just educational.)

But then, while watching, I thought, “Gosh, that handmaiden looks kind of familiar.” And thanks to you all (Hat tip, Tiffany!), I had my eureka moment. Well, more like a lesbureka moment. Lovely handmaiden Doreah is none other than cheeky daytime TV host Lou from “Lip Service.” Yes, that’s the delightful Roxanne McKee in both roles. No wonder she was so good with the ladies. What? Can’t remember Lou? Well, let me help jog your memory a bit with a little visual aid. I’ll bet Tess hasn’t forgotten her. (NSFW, oh, like that’s going to stop you.)

Of course, watching that little interlude from “Lip Service” just reminds me how much I miss “Lip Service.” In fact, it even makes me miss “The L Word.” Because as much as I love the lesbian/bisexual storylines on “Glee” and “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Pretty Little Liars,” they’re just one storyline out of many others. What was so great about “Lip Service” and (when it wasn’t annoying the shit out of you with incomprehensible plot points and pointless murder mysteries) “The L Word” was that they were all about the gay ladies. And without them we wait, impatiently patient, to see ourselves pop up again. Or even make due with a little practice session. It does make perfect, after all.

EDIT: Seriously, someone reported the nudity in the Tess & Lou video? Well, let’s see if DailyMotion is less prudey.

Game changer

It has taken me a full day to process my feelings about “Game of Thrones.” I know we live in a knee-jerk, instacritic culture where 140-characters counts as thoughtful dialogue (and, believe me, no one loves those 140 characters more than this unapologetic Twitteraholic), but I needed more time to truly think about this series. I haven’t read the books, which puts me at a disadvantage. So right now all I have to go on is the pilot. And, right now, I’m just not sure.

Granted, the production is gorgeous. You can always see money on the screen, and this thing looks the exact opposite of cheap. The writing is tight, the acting is solid, the story is complex. It feels epic, it is epic. But, and I means this with all seriousness, what’s in it for the ladies?

I’ve read a lot this past week about the gender politics of this much-hyped show. It’s for boys. It’s pandering to girls. It’s feminist. It’s misogynistic. It’s oddly fixated on doggy-style sex. (That last one isn’t a question, just a fact.)

New York Times reviewer Ginia Bellafante called it “boy fiction patronizingly turned out to reach the population’s other half.” She also strongly implies that women don’t read fantasy fiction. So, let’s get this out of the way right away. That’s just some crazypants nonsense right there. One, of course women read fantasy novels and to suggest otherwise signifies a profound arrogance about an entire gender. And two, her argument that the sex is thrown into the story to appease women viewers makes me think she actually didn’t watch the premiere. Because the “sex” she spoke of was (SPOILER ALERT) incest, rape and paid servicing from prostitutes. You know, just like “Sex and the City.”

So, clearly the argument that “Game of Thrones” is fantasy therefore women won’t like it and therefore it’s pandering to women and therefore it’s bad is not the argument I’m making here.

But I was disturbed by what I saw happening with the women in the premiere. (MORE MAJOR SPOILERS) We see a wife to a powerful lord, who seems loyal but has little power. We see the queen to a king, who appears to be evil and power hungry and – oh yeah – is totally fucking her twin brother. We see two daughters of the lord, who are made to go to crocheting class while the boys learn archery – one is kind of boy crazy and one is a tomboy. And we see the sister to a power-hungry brother who sells her off to the head of a warrior tribe who then consummates their relationship against her will. Fun times for the lady folk, let me tell you.

Still just because these are dark times for women, does not mean better days aren’t ahead. What I understand from reading about this series is that us feminist fans will need to be patient. This is clearly not a woman’s world – right now they are largely just for pawns or playthings for men. But the question is will the series allow them to overcome their relegated positions in this society? Will we see independence, influence, intellect? I really hope so.

To me feminist stories do not require that all the women are portrayed in a positive light or necessarily even treated well. But it does require that female characters are allowed to be complex and layered and ultimately in control of their own destinies. Are women integral to the story outside of their relationships to men? Do they wield any power? Do they show strength and smarts and other abilities and not just sex appeal? Do they get to be human, just like the men? That is what makes a story feminist. That is what makes a story worth investing in for me.

If “Games of Thrones” starts to make its ladies more than just pieces in powerful men’s games, then I’m in. If it doesn’t, well, then game over.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that I thought it was very interesting and more than a little troubling that, as one of you commented, Dany gave her consent in the book, but not the show. That means the entire foundation of their future relationship in the series will be different from the original book. Like I said, troubling.

Wonder pants

Well, shit. The shiny porn pants aren’t gone. While we all let out an enormous sigh of relief when it appeared Wonder Woman had ditched her PVC pants for a more practical, stretchy, dark-blue pair, it appears our relief was ill founded. The porn pants are still there. Repeat, porn pants are go. (Man, that is going to bring some interesting keyword searches today. Helllloooo, perverts!)

After we got to see Wonder Woman’s Adrianne Palicki move it in what appeared to be a tweaked costume, NBC President Robert Greenblatt shot us down like the Invisible Jet in hostile territory. He told TVLine.com yesterday:

“There was an initial outcry about the long pants – you know, skintight pants as opposed to those little shorts [worn by Lynda Carter in the original TV series. But the shorts were always planned. They are actually used in the final confrontation when she beats Veronica Cale (played by Elizabeth Hurley).”

Um, dude, no one was mad that the pants were long. People were mad that the pants were shiny. Also, porny. Greenblatt said Wonder Woman has had three costumes all along: The shiny pants, the stretchy pants and the hotpants. And he says for all of our gnashing and wailing, nothing has changed.

“We haven’t made any changes from what was planned. But it’s always good to hear the feedback. I’d rather have people really passionately engaged in conversation, even if they hate something, than be kind of bored.”

Does this guy know how to play to the fans or what? No. 1, I have totally misunderstood your complaints. No. 2, I don’t really care what your complaints are because we’re not making changes. No. 3, watch my show anyway, suckers!

Greenblatt also went on to praise series creator and writer David E. Kelley, whose script for the pilot has been widely panned. Like, super duper, all over the place panned. I understand there have been some rewrites since, but I have the terrible suspicion that the line “Big tits save lives!” will still make the cut. I love boobs as much as the next gal (no, that’s a lie – I love them more), but I wasn’t really looking for Titty Empowerment from the new Wonder Woman. We have Helen Mirren for that.

As for the shiny pants, I’m starting to fear that Wonder Woman’s real foe will not be Hurley’s Veronica Cale. Instead, I think the real villain of the first season will be a lingering, chronic yeast infection brought on by non-breathable fabrics. Say hello to Wonder Woman, brought to you by Monistat.

Killer TV

You’re probably not watching “The Killing,” but you should. The new AMC drama is good, damn good. Like cannot stop watching, bolted to my seat, riveted by the performances good. Like how did this slow-moving crime procedural without big-name stars, frenetic car chases or fancy forensics hoo-ha make it onto American television good. This show isn’t flashy. No one takes off his sunglasses dramatically before delivering a corny cadaver pun. (OK, fine, that’s also because it’s set in Seattle where the rain is major recurring character.) What it is is well crafted, thoughtful and smart.

The show is based on a popular Danish crime drama by the same (albeit Danish) name. Just because it’s not flashy doesn’t mean it’s not stylish. The cinematography is gorgeous, almost cinematic. The screen is washed in the lush greens and blues and grays of the Pacific Northwest. The soundtrack is equally cinematic – sophisticated, taut, kinda creepy. The pacing is methodical, and could even be considered glacial in this current ADHD one-and-done crime procedural culture. Nothing has been solved in three episodes, the mystery has only deepened. But just because it takes its time does not mean it is boring – in fact the exact opposite. And, kittens kittens, we haven’t even begun to talk about the acting yet.

Lead Mireille Enos, the chief detective investigating the murder of high school student Rosie Larsen, isn’t your standard gorgeous TV police detective. And, trust me, I have no problem with standard gorgeous TV police detectives (hello, Olivia Benson, Jane Rizzoli, Kate Beckett – call me). Her Det. Sarah Linden is gorgeous, but in an entirely unglossy way. She doesn’t wear makeup. She shops at Ross. She keeps her red hair in a loose, practical ponytail. She is utterly unadorned. In fact, it may take you a while to come to the conclusion that Mireille Enos is gorgeous, but you will and possibly not even for what is external.

You see, the thing about “The Killing” is how internal it is. This isn’t a show with great expository speechifying or loud gun battles. As noted by critics much smarter than me, what's so extraordinary is it allows us to see to see the character think. In particular, we get to see Sarah Linden think. She is a woman of few words, not because she is the stoic hero but because she is actually taking the time to turn things over in her head Yet she is so expressive and empathetic. All her actions feel genuine, like someone who knows what she’s doing and has done it all before. Even the simple act this past episode of her wordlessly staring at the ingredients of whatever unhealthy thing she just ate with a split-second flash of self disgust felt real. This is a person, not a character. We’re drawn to her competence and intrigued by her silence. Also, Mireille has the potential to become one of TV’s greatest scowlers. And, given my propensity for sexy, serene scowlers, this is high praise indeed.

Admittedly, this show might be hard for some to watch. There is grief and pain and inexplicable cruelty. But it doesn't wallow in them. This isn't part of the “Saw” franchise. It's about how one horrible act can ripple through so many lives. As Rosie’s parents, Michelle Forbes and Brent Sexton made me tear up not once, not twice but three times in the pilot. That may not sound like a good time, and this surely isn’t disposable fluff, but it’s mesmerizing TV. OK, there’s also a political angle that isn’t entirely as mesmerizing. But I still find it intriguingly complex and have to believe that there will be some further payoff other than an examination of political machine.

And, while we’re at it, this series fulfills the Bechdel Rule. It has a female lead. Sarah and Rosie’s mom have already talked several times, and certainly not about a man. And Sarah also has a female best friend, Reggie, who we were introduced to this last episode. p.s. I want to find out more about that dynamic, too. Plus, “The Killing” has a female creator/writer (Veena Sud of “Cold Case”) and women have directed the first three episodes (Patty Jenkins of “Monster” for the two-part pilot and Gwyneth Horder-Payton of “The Shield” for last night’s episode).

Three episodes have aired, but you still have time to catch up. The two-part pilot is available online at AMCTV.com. And the third episode re-airs on AMC at 10:30 p.m. Thursday or just before the next new episode at 9 p.m. Sunday (the series airs at 10 p.m. Sundays on AMC).

Oh, and one more little oh-isn’t-that-interesting. Mireille was four month pregnant when she shot the pilot (hence the big, bulky sweater and windbreaker). Guess who she is married to? Alan Ruck, better known as Cameron from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

Look, I know we all have too many shows to watch already. I know the prospect of signing on for a slowly paced crime drama that’s unafraid to examine grief might not sound all that appealing. But you really should, because we need more shows where people are given the time to think – and that make us think.

The Good Detective

Kalinda, Kalinda, Kalinda. She has been a naughty girl, hasn’t she? I’m not a regular “The Good Wife” watcher, this I freely admit. But I have caught it on occasion and I do try to keep up with the exploits of my favorite international woman of mystery/baseball bat wielder/sexy boot strutter, Kalinda Sharma. News came earlier this week that Kalinda may be headed for a brief flirtation with a female nurse (played by former “Women’s Murder Club” and Angie Harmon co-star Aubrey Dollar). So, then, by my informal count that would be three lady conquests on her books so far. That’s not Shane speed, but it’s not bad either.

Kalinda’s private life has been just that, private on purpose. She’s secretive to a fault and the guessing game was a bit of the fun at first. Is she, isn’t she? She controlled its release like a slow-drip coffee filter. Of course now with recent developments, it looks like information is threatening to foam out like an overactive espresso machine instead. (Yes, I realize I’m taking this coffee metaphor too far. It’s early. I need some.) Granted this current Big-shell (See what I did there? No, seriously, I need coffee) has nothing to do with her past same-sexual relations. But I do like that the series doesn’t seem to be just dropping Kalinda’s complex sexuality now that new meaty subplot has arisen. From my limited exposure, the show seems to be doing a good job portraying her bisexuality as not just something titillating to draw in ratings. Nor are her relationships props to attract male attention. Sure, she’s also using them for information, silence, whathaveyou. But she kind of uses everyone for information, silence, whathaveyou. So they’re consistent.

And, heavens, is it sexy. Archie Panjabi can wear the hell out of stiletto leather boot. She’s a mix of restraint and aggression, all carefully controlled bold moves. Yum. Whether it’s the big-time FBI lady Lana or broken-hearted ex Donna, her chemistry is pretty potent with female co-stars. And, again, by “potent” I mean “sexy as hell.”

Kalinda, Kalinda, Kalinda. How come I never get job offers that last one?

p.s. Though, here’s a tip. If you’re YouTubing for more of the lovely Ms. Panjabi kissing the ladies, don’t make my mistake and watch her full appearance in the British series “Personal Affairs.” Yes, she has an affair with a woman. But don’t get sucked into the whole story like I did last night, causing me to need coffee. Spoiler Alert: Things don’t end well. Just watch the kiss and call it a day. Trust me.
p.p.s. Did you notice the blonde with her arms crossed? Yeah, that’s our Frankie. All roads, fictitious or otherwise, really do lead to Rome. And by “Rome,” of course, I mean “lesbianism.”

My Weekend Crush

This isn’t a crush on any one person, because – truth be told – Elizabeth Taylor was my de facto Weekend Crush this week, and then some. So instead today my affections fall to a happy circumstance. I’m talking about those instances when universes collide at the intersection of Gay and Gayer. What I love in the course of doing what I do – whatever the hell that is – is when I organically tumble on two lesbian worlds colliding. Like when Shay Mitchell tweeted Naya Rivera, and then mentioned she’d like Emily Fields and Santana Lopez to date. God, the visuals in my head. So yesterday, in the course of researching a post on Kate Walsh’s new lesbian role the indie drama “Angels Crest,” I stumbled across a clip of her in the never-heard-of-it indie drama “Inside Out” from 2005. It brought about a whole new set of visuals, but not in my head. The only set-up I will give you is that it’s NSFW. Headphones, people, headphones.

Right, two things. 1) Told you about the headphones. And 2) Is that Emily Fields’ mom?! Yes, ladies and lesbians, that is Kate Walsh and Nia Peeples full-on in flagrante. Holy lesbian universes colliding, Batman. “Private Practice” Dr. Addison Montgomery and “Pretty Little Liars” Mrs. “I’m happy your girlfriend got shipped to Juvie Camp” Fields are going at it. Loudly. Really loudly. So, of course, I sent the link to friends and then the rest of the known universe because something this good must be shared to be appreciated. And then the cosmos sent back this. The only set-up I will give you for this is it’s a drama in three parts.

[Click each to embiggen. All credit goes to my genius friend Heather Hogan.]

Oh, universe. Sometimes I curse you. Sometimes you exasperate me with your cruelty and randomness, misery and loneliness. But other times I lay offerings at your shrine of delightful coincidences and the fact that you can bring the smoking celestial bodies of actresses we love from separate lesbian galaxies together in new and extraordinary ways. Let’s call it the Big LesBang Theory. Happy weekend, all.

And a child shall lead them

Gay teens on TV are kicking the ass of gay adults on TV right now. Like, it’s a serious beat down. No contest. Throw in the towel, grownups. In the past week alone, lesbian storylines on “Glee” and “Pretty Little Liars” have struck a resounding chord with gay viewers young and old.



Watch Santana’s plaintive plea to Brittany: “Please say you love me back. Please.” Didn’t you flash back to the first time you handed someone your exposed heart and asked them to be gentle? Or look at Paige’s confession to Emily: “If I say it out loud, if I say I’m gay – the whole world is gonna change.” Remember when speaking those words seemed like the end of the world as you knew it?



These moments, these confessions – they’re as close to universal as it gets for the GLBT community. Sure, we all have differing ways out, ways in, first loves, last loves. But we’ve all had (or will have, youngsters, take heart) the first time we were finally brave enough to tell someone we loved them and hoped desperately they’d love us back. And we all had the worry that simply admitting our undeniable truth would change everything forever. And it did, but for the better.

The thing about the gay teens on TV right now – from Brittany and Santana to Emily and Paige to Kurt and Blaine and even poor dear Tea – is that, like it or not, their stories feel honest. They’re about discovery and heartbreak, confusion and acceptance. They’re not about just the static afterschool moment: See Jane. See Jane become gay. They’re about what it’s like day in, day out – especially at the start. There’s no perfect way to be gay or come out or understand yourself. Life has no script, yet we all still fumble our lines. So the complexity of their experiences, it’s important to see on TV. It helps people. It helps me even today.



Entertainment Weekly recently wrote about the gay teen revolution on TV and it’s true, there are more than before. But it’s not just that there are more gay teens on TV all of a sudden. It’s that there are more gay teens acting like real gay teenagers on our TV all of a sudden. This isn’t about sweeps month kisses or ripped-from-the-headlines storylines. They’re not just there to jazz things up for an episode or two. They’re in it, we hope, for the long haul.

Certainly, there have been good gay teen characters on TV before. Rickie Vasquez on “My So-Called Life.” Jessie Sammler on “Once and Again.” Willow Rosenberg on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Spencer and Ashley on “South of Nowhere.” And they’ve all made a difference. But to have so many right now, with so many varying experiences right, is kind of special.



The reason these teens are touching people, making a difference, mattering so much is because their stories are really everyone’s stories. When you’re older, truly universal moments are fewer and far between. We won’t all become pregnant lesbians (regardless of what TV writers seems to think). We won’t all become adoptive parents (or wear clown costumes at our child’s first birthday). We won’t all get married (or civil unioned, which, gosh doesn’t that sound romantic). We won’t all work for law firms or the FBI or cranky yet brilliant doctors. And unless I’m greatly mistaken about reality, none of us will become vampires. Sure, many of us will want those things (OK, perhaps not the vampire thing), but they won’t necessarily happen.



But aside from the tiny little difference of sexual orientation and the enormous difference of societal acceptance, we all – gay, straight and everything in between – go through adolescence. The teen experience will always be a more relatable. We all grow up. We all have firsts. We all stumble our way towards adulthood.

In the end, what we want from our gay characters – teen or otherwise – is simple. We want to see a little bit of ourselves, our lives, our loves. And, just as important, we want the world to see our lives and our loves and that in the end we really aren’t so different after all. Because if there’s one thing the entire universe can agree on, it’s that being a teenager sometimes really sucks. And then there are other times, even when it hurts, it’s beautiful.

Sweet Serenity

You guys, I am an idiot. No, really, much with the stupid. Last night I started watching “Firefly” for the first time thanks to its debut on the Science Channel. Sweet merciful Zeus, it’s so good. Don’t worry, I already slapped myself repeatedly for not watching sooner. What can I say about this show? It’s fun. It’s smart. It’s deceptively complex. It’s, in short, perfect Joss Whedon. I know, I know. You’re going to say: “Dude, you love Joss Whedon. You love Buffy. You never watched ‘Firefly?’” No, I never watched “Firefly.” I don’t have a great excuse except I tuned in only once originally and wasn’t much into the space cowboy thing at the time. I’m not huge into Westerns, period. Sure, I see the occasional one. Some are quite good. But, I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t really have a good excuse.

The thing is, I’ve watched pretty much everything else by Joss. Buffy. Angel. Dollhouse. Dr. Horrible. Hell, I even saw “Serenity” in the theater – on the opening weekend. And I liked it, a lot. But I never circled back because my list of “Stuff I Need to Watch…When I Have Time” is even more depressing than my email inbox. (Oh, and about that, I am really, really, really sorry for not writing you back yet. Yes, you.)

Still I have to saw watching it belatedly on TV (instead of an all-day boxset marathon or late-night download smorgasbord) is kind of thrilling. Sure, not as thrilling – or nearly as helpful, ratings wise – as if I had watched in real-time when it was actually on the air. But gosh if it isn’t kind of fun to be able to watch it in weekly installments. Also, as terrible as it is knowing in advance that the show only lasted one season, my back-logged brain feels a tiny bit relieved about adding it to my schedule knowing there are only 14 episodes to watch (well, now 12). That’s what I call a manageable commitment.

So now, now to the good stuff. First, I’m thrilled that it looks like the Science Channel is airing the episodes in order, instead of all over the place like Fox did originally. How the hell could they have aired “The Train Job” instead of “Serenity” as the pilot? Hey, here’s a good idea. Let’s not introduce the characters or frame the conflict or lay out the premise. Let’s just make sure there’s a train heist. Oh, Fox.

While I’ll admit it takes a little bit to adjust to the gunslinger attitude and, yes, the fiddle music, all of the required Whedonverse elements are there. A morally resolute, yet at times deeply conflicted hero (Mal, Captain Tightpants himself). A strong female lead (Zoe, the glorious Gina Torres who has popped up in just about every TV show I have ever watched from “Xena” to “Angel” to “Pushing Daisies” to “The Vampire Diaries”). An adorable geek (Kaylee, who when she was shot in the pilot made me flash to every single time Willow was in mortal danger). And just enough Joss-speak to make it all funny and poignant and really compelling as hell.

Also, and I haven’t done my Google research, but is there a ‘ship between Inara and Kaylee? Come on, how great are they together? I must say I prefer Morena Baccarin with long, wavy hair to her short, alien crop on “V.” Nothing against short crops, in the least, but on Morena with long hair is just so, well, dreamy.

So, after an appropriate period of yelling at me for not have watching when it mattered most, who wants to watch “Firefly” this go around with me? Sundays at 10 p.m. on the Science Channel. It’s a date. Now all I need to find is a good browncoat.